Durian Drama & Trishaw Beats: My Wild Weekend in Melaka 🍜🏰🐸

#malaccatrip Hey squad! Imagine a place where 500-year-old forts rub shoulders with neon trishaws blasting *Despacito*… welcome to Melaka! I just spent a weekend here, and it’s like history class threw a party. Let’s dive in! **Day 1: Forts, Laksa, & a VERY Loud Trishaw** First stop: **A Famosa Fort**. This 16th-century Portuguese ruin is *all* vibes—crumbling walls, jungle views, and the faint smell of… durian? (More on that later.) Pro tip: Go early to beat the tour groups and Instagram husbands. Lunch was **Nyonya laksa** at *Jonker 88*. Creamy coconut broth, tangy tamarind, and shrimp paste that slapped my taste buds awake. Also, the aunty next to me taught me to say “sedap” (delicious) between mouthfuls. 10/10 for flavor + life skills. Then, I rented a bike and got *hopelessly lost* in Jonker Street’s maze of antique shops. Cue me accidentally photobombing a Malaysian influencer’s shoot. (Sorry, fam!) **Night 1: Frog Porridge & Karaoke Trishaws** Jonker Night Market is WILD. Think sizzling satay, mango sticky rice, and… **frog porridge**. Yes, FROG. It tasted like chicken, but I’ll never unsee those little legs. 🐸 But the highlight? Hiring a **disco trishaw**! My driver decked it out with LED lights, fake flowers, and a speaker blasting *Gangnam Style*. We zoomed past St. Paul’s Hill like K-pop royalty. Dance moves mandatory. **Day 2: River Cruises & Durian Betrayal** Morning river cruise time! Melaka’s waterways are lined with murals and hanging lanterns—so pretty, until a monitor lizard popped up and I screamed loud enough to scare it. 🦎 Post-cruise, I caved and tried **durian cendol**. The smell? Like gym socks. The taste? Surprisingly sweet… but my Grab driver banned me from his car afterward. Worth it? Debateable. **Unexpected Moment: The Kung Fu Grandma** At **Cheng Ho Cultural Museum**, I met a 70-year-old volunteer who demoed kung fu moves while explaining Ming Dynasty history. Legend. **If You Go:** - **Rent a bike**—but download Maps.me (Wi-Fi’s spotty). - **Trishaw-hop at night**—the crazier the decorations, the better. - **Skip heels**—cobblestones + durian spills = disaster. Melaka is chaos, charm, and chicken rice. It’s where every corner has a story (or a snack). 10/10 would get lost again. Anyone else brave enough for frog porridge? Let’s compare trauma. 👇 P.S. Pack mints. Durian breath is *real*.