"Western Mediterranean Cruise: 7 Days of Pasta, Picasso & Poor Life Choices" 🍝🎨🍷

#cruiseholiday Hold onto your berets, because a Western Med cruise isn’t just a vacation—it’s a high-speed Euro fantasy where you’ll eat your weight in tapas, accidentally buy a €200 ceramic plate in Mallorca, and fall in love with at least three strangers named Luca. Here’s the chaotic itinerary my liver barely survived: Day 1: Barcelona 🇪🇸 9 AM: Got lost in La Boqueria Market eating jamón straight from the vendor’s knife (no regrets). 3 PM: Took 387 selfies at Sagrada Família (none do it justice). 9 PM: Paella at Can Solé while a street violinist played Despacito. Rating: 10/10 would cry again. Day 2: Marseille 🇫🇷 11 AM: Ate bouillabaisse so fancy I pretended to like oysters. 4 PM: Got scammed by a "free" bracelet guy at Notre-Dame de la Garde. Pro Tip: Run faster than I did. Day 3: Cannes 🇫🇷 10 AM: Pretended to be film royalty on the red carpet (security side-eyed me). 2 PM: Spent €18 on a croissant. Verdict: Worth it. Day 4: Florence 🇮🇹 8 AM: David’s butt left me speechless (and slightly flushed). 1 PM: Ate pappardelle al cinghiale in a cellar while an old man yelled about wine. Peak Italy. Day 5: Rome 🇮🇹 7 AM: Threw a coin in Trevi Fountain (wish: "more pasta"). 3 PM: Ate carbonara at Roscioli and considered moving in. Day 6: Naples 🇮🇹 12 PM: Ate pizza margherita at L’Antica Pizzeria da Michele and finally understood life’s purpose. 5 PM: Bought limoncello from a nonna who called me "bella." Souvenir MVP. Day 7: At Sea All Day: Recovered from espresso overdoses and debated which ex to block first after too much Aperol. Final Verdict: 100/10, left cultured, slightly bankrupt, and fully convinced I should’ve been born Italian. When’s the next sailing? 🛳️