Hotel Mi Paraíso Río Dulce

We came in while on a roadtrip through Guatemala and booked a fancy Master's suite. My review is honest. We paid Q1400 for the night, which is almost USD200. #1. It took a solid 30 minutes to check in. Not because there was alot of people. It was just a very slow process. #2. They charge a "recarga" of 5% if you pay with a card (an additional fee for using the card). To add fuel to that fire, they do not have an ATM, and there isn't one anywhere nearby. #3. The parking is at the bottom of the property, so you drive down close to the water to park, and then you HAVE TO (the only way) walk up ramps to get to the hotel. So, I know what you are thinking... What's the big deal, right? Well, my friend, those ramps are made of ceramic (the slippery kind) and they are located all the way around the POOL. So they are wet! We are hikers, and barely made it up. At one point, my feet slipped from under me and hadn't my husband caught me, I would have surely broken something. #4. They don't offer concierge service, so on top of #3, we had to redo the hike with our big suitcases on tow. #5. They don't have elevators, so we had to bring those said suitcases up coble stone stairs. It was highly unpleasant. We saw that there was some sort of suit case elevator on the side of the building, but we asked and were told that "everyone just brings their own suitcases up". #6. We spent USD100 on one meal. Each Coke we had cost almost 4 dollars. The food was decent, but for that kind of money we would have had 3x the meal right outside the hotel. #7. The castle is walking distance! This is the only reason I am giving it 2 stars instead of 1. #8. We called reception because all night, the suite above us was pouring water down our patio which was flooding our jacuzzi area. They did absolutely nothing, because I am guessing they are aware of the problem and choosing to not fix it. So while we tried to sleep, we had to listen to that said water beating on our patio furniture and glub-glubing in our room. #9. The jacuzzi was nasty. my husband is a stickler for germs, so we ran it before using it and long and behold, the whole thing filled up with gross brown paste. We were unable to use it, and reception "thanked us for letting them know". #10. The front staff was dismissive. Despite us forking over a small fortune for one of their best suites, they lacked the customer service you would expect from a hospitality business. #11. I need to reiterate how bad it was to climb up those slippery ramps. I just about cried, and was scared at checkout to slip on my way down. I put on my hikers, and it did help but it was still really scary and slippery.